E x c e r p t s    t a k e n    -    a    s m a l l    d o c u m e n t a t i o n   

The preceding quotation is taken from the German edition of Consciousness Writes, and in English would read: "Over the years Ramesh's letters have told about the activities of the groups, usually numbering more than thirty, in attendance at the annual springtime retreat (at Kovalam Beach in South India in the years 1988 - 1990, 1993 - 1995, and at Maui in Hawaii in 1991 and 1992)."

The most detailed of such reports are those concerning the first Kovalam retreat, represented here by excerpts taken from four letters written to three correspondents:

May 24, 1988
From March 27 to April 10, I had a group of German visitors at a place called Kovalam Beach (Southernmost tip of the country).
It was a very good group, and they had done their homework. It was a physically exhausting schedule, but I was very happy to have talks with them. They also enjoyed their beach and the sun and the warm ocean. And it was also a good retreat for me, too!

May 2, 1988
Heiner, whom you probably met at the talks in L.A. last September, had arranged a twelve-day spiritual retreat-cum holiday for a German group of about 32 people (two American young ladies, who were from San Francisco, joined the group) at Kovalam Beach, a holiday resort almost at the southern tip of India.
The ocean was warm, and the small but clean and comfortable hotel was exclusively booked for the group, with the result that when there were no talks, there was always a large group on the sands or in the ocean at all times of the day and the moonlit nights! The hotel is situated right on the beach, and the location somehow has managed a sort of private beach that could be reached through a small gate in the rear of the hotel.
The group was typically German: intense, deeply interested in the subject, with their homework well prepared. The reaction in the beginning was, of course, strong resistance to what I had to say. And I didn't help matters by spontaneously coming out at the very first talk that I would welcome resistance, but that, while I was quite aware of the German character (which in general I greatly admire), it was not my intention to cater to what the group might want and expect from me. All I asked for was that they give their open and full attention to what I had to say and then let the chips fall where they may!

It was rather interesting that on the very first day, a young man (around 30 years of age) came out with the statement that he did not have the feeling that he was in the presence of Truth, and that he doubted that "I" was an "enlightened being." I couldn't help laughing aloud.
I told him that I was sorry that he was disappointed, but since I didn't expect that Heiner would let him have his money back, he might as well relax and listen to what I had to say. Perhaps soon, I said, he might have a clearer idea of what "he" is, what "I" am, and what Truth is.
On the third day, something I said touched him so deeply that he put up his hand to ask a question. When I looked at him and smiled, he suddenly broke out into violent, uncontrollable sobbing which clearly affected several others.
All in all, it was on the whole a most interesting experience of one homogeneous group listening to a series of talks. There were at least seven or eight "transformations" of some sort - one or two very deep indeed - which provided the answer to why I happened to be at that place at that time.

April 27, 1988
The Rockholm hotel is situated on the beach, and most of the rooms faced the ocean. Heiner had booked the whole hotel which housed the entire group. It was an interesting experience for me to have an ethnic group for 12 days, and watch their reactions.
I was aware that it was a homogeneous group inasmuch as they were lead by a man called Henning (who was also present) who was a psychotherapist and also a sort of healer. By the same token, they all had a certain basic grounding in the subject about which I was to talk. Somehow I felt sure that it would be a very "successful" series of talks.
Something made me say, almost at the start, that I was aware of the nature of the average successful German as the "achiever," and knew what he would like to hear, but I was not there to cater to their wishes and whims.
I said that what I propounded would not be acceptable to them in the beginning, but appealed to them that, in their own interest, they should listen to me with an open mind, giving their undivided attention to what I wanted to say - instead of shutting their minds totally without giving me, and themselves, a fair chance.
I also promised them that if they did listen to me with an open mind, what they would receive was something totally new and quite priceless. The immediate effect was a blending of shock, resentment, hope, greed. But from then on, the attention was total and concentrated, questions - intelligent questions - following one another in rapid stacatto succession.
From the very third day there was an extremely satisfied smile an Heiner's face as he realized what a tremendous impression the TRUTH was making not only on the group as a whole, but, more particularly, on Henning himself and his very intelligent wife (and able assistant) Elke. And it was gratifying to see the members of the group vying with each other to capture the front seats: it was almost embarrassing to find that almost the entire group was assembled half an hour before the scheduled time.
It was an extremely strenuous working day for me - 2 to 2 1/2 hours in the morning, 3 hours in the afternoon for four personal interviews, and 1 to 2 hours after dinner. But the dedication of the group made it a very satisfying retreat.

I must say that the group members seemed to have a thoroughly good time, a lot of fun. I didn't know it but it seems the ocean in California and in Europe is usually very cold, and only the braver ones go into the water for a swim. The ocean at Kovalam Beach was beautifully warm, and Sharda and I could see, from the balcony of our room, the group members on the beach and in the ocean from 7 a.m. till late in the night taking advantage of the surroundings, although it was quite warm, with temperatures well in the eighties.
The group members were thinking of forming another group for Christmas, but the hotel was already fully booked by another group.
By the time the retreat was over, there was no resistance left at all as far as the group as a whole was concerned. And the fact that there was deep transformation in at least 5 or 6 cases, which was distinctly noticeable, impressed the whole group so much that several members "booked" themselves with Heiner whenever he could arrange a similar retreat in the future.

May 25, 1988
I am glad you liked the report of the retreat of the German group.
There was one particular lady - the wife of the man who actively helped Heiner to get the group together, called Henning, who, I think, got the little push she needed.
During the personal interview, Elke, normally a very quiet person, suddenly started talking, at a certain stage, with such conviction and feeling that I knew she had responded to the unseen push. Words came out like a torrent, and her husband was aghast when she spontaneously remarked that she hadn't ever realized how simple the whole matter was, that there really is no chase or goal to be achieved, and finally that she would willingly give whatever she had at that moment received from me to someone who wanted it desperately (obviously meaning her husband who was then sitting at her side) but that there really was nothing to give and no one to give it to!
The husband just looked at me with tears in his eyes, as Elke suddenly lowered her chin and sat silent.

At the talk the next morning, someone brought up the point about the understanding being so elusive, and Elke suddenly came out with the answer, "What does it matter? Nothing matters!"
Everyone was astonished at the totally unexpected answer from a totally unexpected source, and the beauty of the incident was that instead of being embarrassed (as I expect the others thought), she gave me a bright smile, closed her eyes and sat silent, as her husband quietly slipped her hand between his own.
And, additionally, Elke's spontaneous remarks had a peculiarly electric effect because, as a result of participating in some therapy session some time ago when she had to scream every morning for several days, she had suddenly lost her voice, and recovered it after a time only as a sort of whisper - and her remarks had come as a kind of exaggerated hoarse whisper in a burst of energy.
My own reaction was to point a finger with my arm extended and say, "Precisely so, my dear Elke." When there is realization that all there is, is Consciousness, let the "me" in its death throes create all the movements therein that it wants. What does it really matter? There is a deep understanding that there is really no "me" to find any reality as some object other than itself: Consciousness will drop off its identification and find its own universality. During this process of disidentification, let there be movements and oscillations in the mind - why bother and thereby keep the "me" alive?!


Next is letter that document how Mary came to be one of the two Americans who attended the first seminar, and how the subsequent seminars had a profound effect on her spiritual as well as her professional life.

FROM MARY TO A FRIEND
October 22, 1994
I first met Ramesh in Joshua Tree, California, in October of 1987. A friend of mine, who had visited Nisargadatta Maharaj in India and remembered Ramesh as Maharaj's translator, thought I might be interested and invited me to accompany her. I went, more to spend time with her than out of any particular desire to meet this man. I knew nothing of Advaita, and nothing of Maharaj, but I had heard the story of Ramana Maharshi as a revered holy man of India.
However, I had always been a seeker, driven by something deep inside, to search for some form of meaning outside myself. Those investigations had been mostly in psychic and psychological areas. Nothing had been very satisfying. In short, I was ripe.
When I look back on those days with Ramesh in the California desert, I can see that my mind had great difficulty with what he was saying; but my heart recognized that here it could come home. I was puzzled by his concepts which were new to me, and attracted by his presence. I was not bored. I grew more and more interested as I watched others and listened to their questions.
The time I spent with Ramesh in personal interviews cemented some connection that grew stronger, although I can't recall much of what I said or asked.
A good example of this paradox was visible in the expressive type of painting I did at the time. Between talks I painted a picture of the inside of myself. All my inner nerves were an fire, and I was being kissed by a gigantic spirit fish. I didn't understand this painting until years later. It was prophetic of what was happening quietly, at an unconscious level, deep inside me.
I spent the last $300 I had signing up for the first two-week seminar of talks Ramesh was giving in India a few months later. I didn't know why I did that; I couldn't explain to friends, much less to myself, what it was that I was interested in, just that I was. But, as Ramesh says, my head was in the tiger's mouth, and there was nothing I could do. He assured me that, despite the fact that I might not understand everything, understanding was happening. I think I am good proof of that process.

I went to India for the seminar, and each year following. I didn't think much about the teaching while I was away. Occasionally I read Ramesh's books, but would steep myself in his presence and his written words in India.
Each year I could see the understanding deepened, and this was encouraging. I wrote perhaps a dozen letters to Ramesh, more to keep a connection going than to address questions to him. I don't think I'm much of a Jnani person, I have more of a Bhakti nature ..., and it has been helpful to follow this path to deeper understanding. As Ramesh says, eventually the Jnana and the Bhakti paths merge.
A friend also told me that sometimes love enters through the back door. There are times when my mind follows keenly what Ramesh is saying (this has become more frequent in recent years), and there are times when I just sit in his presence amidst a sea of gratitude and tears. There are also times when I wonder why I am there. I learn as much from the questions of others as I do from my own questions. I notice what has become silenced and known in myself, and where confusion or difficulty with the understanding still remains. I went through a period of thinking I knew it all, but fortunately that has mostly passed. I seldom ask questions now, and the yearning for enlightenment has almost died away. No longer do I think there's something wrong with me, my understanding and devotion, because of this quietness.
Professionally I am a psychotherapist, and it is in my work that I can track the deepening of the teaching. I find myself automatically translating some of Ramesh's concepts into ideas my clients can use. Last year I wrote a letter to Ramesh when I was at the Seminar, and Ramesh invited me to talk about this with other participants. I thought I would share this letter here.

  
And finally:
FROM RAMESH TO GOD

Dear God,
This is my record of eternal gratitude to You.

You gave me birth in a most respected Hindu family, but not high enough in social status to make me proud.

You gave me a physical form well-admired for its perfection, but it was small enough to keep me humble.

You gave me education high enough to be most useful in life, but not high enough to make me proud.

You gave me success in sports high enough to be satisfied, but not proud.

You gave me a career in which You took me high enough to be admired, but not high enough to make me arrogant.

You gave me a wife and family for which I have always been eternally grateful, but You did not spare me some grief to remind me not to forget what life is all about, and to be always grateful for what I do have.

You did not forget to place an adequate number of temptations in my way so that I may not be too critical of others who have to face their own temptations.

I am now 84, and perhaps the only wish is that the long life You have given me will not carry a burden at the end. But in that case, I know You will also give me the necessary courage to go with it.

You gave me a lot to show me how little is needed to be content and how much could be given away.

And, undoubtedly, the most important of all - as if the bounty you have showered on me were not enough - You crowned your achievement by using this psychosomatic apparatus to convey to the world the most beautiful message of Advaita. Truly I am blessed. Or, indeed, my Beloved, have You not blessed Yourself?!

Finally, it occurs to me, if You were to design for Yourself a life in phenomenality, could it have been much different from this one?
And, for this thought, no tears are enough to wash Your Noumenal feet.
Ramesh S. Balsekar

THANK YOU GURU

Biography available from Advaita Press www.advaita.org, Yogi Impressions www.yogiimpressions.com and is also on sale in Ramesh's home where he gives satsangs every day.